Lessons, musings and advice from the author of ‘The Life I Won’
So many women I meet are afraid. I don’t mean scared of the dark or spiders, I mean afraid to be themselves. It is almost like they have been shrunk. Their brilliance dimmed to the point that you need to squint to see it.
This has happened over time, and not consciously. The words of parents who have pointed out risks and pitfalls instead of allowing you to fall and hurt yourself. The words of teachers and influencers who have steered you towards their own idea or even society’s idea of success. The recommendations from life partners for you to follow their dreams with them instead of following your own.
We have all found ourselves trapped at some point in our lives by relationships, responsibilities and risk avoidance. The 3 ‘R’s that suck the life and creativity out of us. Those logical, sensible things we are guided towards by well-meaning people who love us.
You are not alone, lady. There are so many women who have done and are still doing this to themselves. You have the power right now to change this. Every single decision that you make in life dictates the direction that the rest of it will take. This is why I write for you, to prompt you to think and to challenge you to shine. Your brilliance deserves its place in this world. You may be tagged as a rebel, or even ‘difficult’ when you choose to serve yourself over others, but that is THEIR problem, NOT yours.
So, let’s take a little look at exactly what it is that stops you from sharing that brilliance with the world. Every. Single. Day.
Things are changing, thank Goddess, but overall relationships remain the single biggest factor in stifling women. First we have to contend with being raised as ‘girls’. Pink, fluffy, gentle, cute and ready to serve. It is still happening in billions of families in every culture. Women are sexualised, marginalised and ridiculed when they stand up for themselves. I have often been branded a ‘feminist’ when in actual fact I am just a human demanding my right to be seen and heard.
We have a fight on our hands just to be treated equally and respectfully, let alone to be strong individuals who use their talent and follow their dreams. So, I get it when women tell me that they have no confidence. That they used to be creative but had to take responsibility for the sake of the kids and get a proper job. That their partner was the priority. What if I said that you were actually the most important person in your life and you have a duty to live up to your talent. To do so means that you teach all of those around you to see you and accept you. It may feel hard to do, but it is not impossible.
I have been married four times and it was my last husband, who life cruelly took from me in 2020, was the only one who encouraged my brilliance. By those odds you have a 25% chance of finding the right person who will allow the ‘BIG’ you to be present, so don’t beat yourself up for staying small. Just make the decision to take the power back today.
People overuse this word when it comes to women and their children, partners and life. Just look at the Cambridge dictionary definition of the word and how they describe it in the feminine! Women are EXPECTED to serve their spouse and put them first. We are expected to take full responsibility for the children. We are judged and criticised when we want more.
Even though women have made great strides forward, (respectful nod to the amazing women who instigated change), we still have a long way to go before true equality is ever achieved. Therefore, our actual responsibility lies in living up to our brilliance. We must change our world for the better by loving ourselves and using our skills. Own your amazing talent, learn how to enhance it and shine a light on it. If you struggle with this, get help.
The best investment you ever make will be to invest in yourself. I don’t mean in making yourself ‘look’ better, I mean in helping yourself to ‘BE’ you, but the best version.
This IS your responsibility.
Traditionally it is men who are seen as the risk takers. It is a masculine trait. Yet we are so much better at it when we step into our power. There is less ego involved and more calculation. There is less excitement and more planning. I am a risk taker, but I have never done it from ego, always from an alignment with my future goals. I am prepared to win and lose, but I want to minimise the losses or have a sound back up plan. A great mentor of mine once told me to always have a back-up plan in all areas of my life, it was sound advice. When you are oppressed or suppressed then risk taking can feel like the most terrifying thing in the world, however, what is the worst that could happen? What if you follow your dream and it doesn’t work out the first time?
Try it again in a different way!
I have had a Scottish castle on my vision board for over a year and I need £3M to buy it and another £1m as working capital. I will never achieve that by waiting and doing nothing. So, I have taken action and I am on my way to Scotland to a stepping-stone property. Leaving everything I know and everyone I love behind to follow my dream. If I don’t get to that castle, it won’t be for want of trying. Sometimes you need to roll the dice, take action and just do it. Life is too short to live small and hide.
Your brilliance is a beacon for all women. You have something special, something that only you can share in your way. Stop hiding it and let it out. You will feel invincible once you let go and use your power.
You are magnificent!